If any of the below describes something that could happen in your relationship, whether you are married, cohabitating, or taking your privacy and relationships for granted as a couple Washington-state licensed independent clinical social workers I know did for 1567 days because they subscribed to disgraceful levels of homophobia after being trained at Seattle Counseling Service and Friends of Youth, you don’t have to put with this. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you’re Deaf like me, call 1-855-812-1001 from your videophone. If you’re using a teletypewriter, call 1-800-787-3224. Text BEGIN to 8-8-7-8-8. If you are in an emergency situation, please call 9-1-1.
On June 23, 1984, my parents married.
When I was in high school at Sycamore, I had an SMLES on November 21, 2005. My hamstrings were cut and sewn back together, my left Achilles was too.
I had to take almost a whole year off. Recently, my father told me that he thought about murdering me and then himself after a physio told him I’d never walk again in 2006 (and today, I still walk). My mother was very sick with diverticulitis. She had a colostomy, then had it reversed in September or October 2016.
She came home the day before my 16th birthday. I remember getting out of the shower to see her walk in to awe and wonder at the new tiling Dad put in!
On Saturday, I started reading McBryde Johnson’s “Too Late to Die Young”, which slowly shifted my thinking to being for to now being against physician-assisted suicide.
In the evening, I heard my parents arguing, but couldn’t hear what about. I went to the study, my room, but then heard crying–my mother!
I raced to the stairs and started to walk up up. My sister pulled me back. Our father and mother were arguing about who’d make dinner the next night.
My father had pressed on her open wound in attempting to intimidate her by getting into her face, likely.
I remember, I remember…she struggled to breathe, I remember how she said…
“𝑰 𝑯𝑼𝑹𝑻!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
How she cried.
I didn’t know, didn’t know at all what to do–should’ve called 9-1-1, but I was just a child.
At then I made the decision: I needed to go to a deaf school, so I could stay alive. And I did. I graduated from the deaf school.
And I went to Gallaudet University. On April 24, 2012, I opened a new e-mail address as I’d been locked out of my old one due to two-factor authentication and not having access to my mobile phone ending in 8806.
Very grateful to every mandated reporter who reported suspected child abuse or vulnerable adult abuse. To my mother, for never giving up on me, my sister, and my brother. And to my teachers in K-12 and beyond!
I am a survivor of domestic violence. And I am grateful I am here!
Dec 29, 2018
Me: Please don’t ever call Mom lazy again in my presence. Because Dad likely didn’t pay all FICA taxes, it’s only because of her work record that I get about $400 more a month than if I relied on Dad’s. And if she didn’t work at all, then I’d have to be on SSI only, which is even crueler and more restrictive. There are no trial work periods on SSI. Because I receive SSDI as well as SSI on Mom’s work record, I can work up to 9 months and make as much as I can and not lose SSDI. If I was on SSI only, I would not have that security, and I’d only be on Medicaid. It’d be even harder for me to get out of poverty.
Do not ever dishonor my mother in that way in my presence again.
My brother: I didn’t bring her up
Me: You’ve described her as lazy in the past to me. Please don’t do it again.
My brother: Don’t ask me about her then
She has only ever come up at your initiation
Me: I know she wasn’t perfect. But she does deserve to be honored in death, for the little respect and honor that was shown to her in life from my father and others.
Also, I don’t welcome or accept your opinion about the domestic violence. You weren’t there. You didn’t hear her cry. You didn’t hear her struggle to breathe. You don’t get to have an authoritative opinion about things you didn’t witness or experience.
I mean, you do have a right to an opinion. I just don’t accept it as correct.
My brother:
I base it on her words and description. You and you alone called that what no one else saw it as
I loved mom I didn’t love many things she did though….the only negativity that develops surrounds the rift you decide to relive for our family surrounding her from time to time
Last Updated: 2025-Nov-25
Adapted from a Facebook post originally posted June 1, 2025
